Wednesday, February 20, 2008


"Who do I write for?" is not a question. Because this blog is not about being read, it's about being written (to quote extensively from In that respect, writing is like masturbation. It's all about need and self-gratification. Sometimes, guilt does come into play. But when the process is done right, in terms of environment and mood, writing can be healthy for both body and soul.

Of course, for the most part (stretching the metaphor further), writing can be a frustrating, discouraging task. Do it often, and soon you'll see that you are slowly desensitizing yourself from the whole experience. I am a writer 'tis true. But to normalize writing is not something I am keen on doing. Writing must always hint or obviously convey an elitist, specialist vibe. It's an understanding that mere mortals must not attempt to inflict their prosaic selves on an audience. And on that note, I may have paradoxed myself into a corner. Nevertheless, I will continue to write for myself--even if a singular collective or plural individual takes the time to read this self-absorbed piece.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


People say that the best version of me is when I am with you. And somehow, it makes sense, considering who we are and what we mean to each other.

But I have my way, my need to complicate things. And you, you have your way of hating me for it. You tell me that I am incapable of happiness . . . that wallowing in self-pity helps me validate my existence. You see this as unnecessary. I see it as self-preservation.

It turns out that I am not satisfied with the best version of myself, after all. Because maybe, just maybe, being me and being with you, is not what I am living my life for.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Tabula Rasa

Oh yeah, I swiped this picture from Jan's friendster. Global Gutz was a fitting sendoff. Of course, I wished all sem-art folks were in attendance. But really, I was just glad people came--the whole thing not bein' free and all.

Thing is, it hasn't really sunk in that I've left the sinkhole that was my workplace. A part of me is very much relieved, while another part wonders what would have happened to me, if I stayed. And then there's the part that's just all excited 'bout the new job. I am so looking forward to sightseeing in Greece, eating fusion Vietnamese/French cuisine, and just visiting friends in Australia and Canada (hopefully, the last two...basta I don't want to jinx it).

I'm missing a lot of things, I know. For now, I'm going to busy myself with wiping the slate clean.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!!!