Thursday, September 25, 2008
Its Bullshit by ~chworz on deviantART
because nothing says BS like:
1. A well-placed Latin phrase
Wanna show people you're about as pretentious as Gwyneth's British accent? Then, generously pepper your conversations with "ergo," "quod erat demonstrandum," and "mea culpa." Don't forget to throw in some really obscure ones like "indivisibiliter ac inseparabiliter," "radix malorum est cupiditas," and "abundans cautela non nocet."
Your friends (if you have any at all) will look for your replacement very soon.
2. Quoting bogus statistics
The brilliant folks over at Cracked.com have featured a very informative article about this. Check it out for yourself: http://www.cracked.com/article_16241_6-most-frequently-quoted-bullsht-statistics.html?redux
3. Saying "I love you" on the third date
Really, I should just let my good friend Lyndon explain this one. I cannot in good conscience, deliver such lengthy and tortured explanation with a straight face.
4. Capitulating to the demands of your clients
At some point, you'll either need to grow a pair and do something OR just accept that you're doomed to be trapped in the deepest bowels of bullshitropolis. It's your choice. Personally, I pick the latter option. Bullshitropolis is quite lovely this time of the year.
5. A bullshit generator
Truly, a testament to the amazing power of the Internets (Yes, I said Internets, look up your Bushism people...) Anyway, I've tested some of the BS generators out there, and this: http://emptybottle.org/bullshit/ IMHO is the best.
By the way, using chat speak doth not bullshit make. It just makes you look like an illiterate douchebag. So for future reference, go easy on the LOLs and the BRBs. I promise, it's for your own good.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
It's not: "You complete me." But: "My life would suck less if you are in it."
It's not: "I love you more than sunlight; more than flesh, or joy, or one more day. I love you more than God." But: "I need you because you are my last chance for happiness."
It's not: "Make my happiness, I will make yours." But: "A deal's a deal."
Friday, September 12, 2008
Would you rather be with someone who makes your heart race
so fast that you're actually scared it's going to run away from you?
someone who makes your world stand still
that you have to will your heart to beat
lest your blood stops flowing?
It's all the same to me...
Monday, September 8, 2008
"Eternal Father, I offer Thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the universal church, those in my own home and within my family. Amen."
*Our Lord dictated the following prayer to St. Gertrude the Great to release 1,000 Souls from Purgatory each time it is said.
Monday, September 1, 2008
There are just some people you wish would get on the express train to hell--people who turn your stomach with their incessant need to talk about themselves; people, whose sole purpose in life is to be a professional annoyance. God, I hope those people would just make like a fetus and head out. (That's absquatulate to you, posers.) I am quite sure the day would come when Mammon would feed on their souls and throw the carcasses to hyenas.
Hmmm, I love the smell of snarkiness in the evening.