Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Who would've thought my aha moment lurks in the paragraphs of a horoscope column? Now my belief in astrology can be best described as fungible. However, yesterday's reading holds so much truth, it crosses the borders of the paranormal. Of course, I also have this tendency to exaggerate things and maybe I'm reading too much into it. I don't know. What I do know, is that it freaked me out, so much so that I have to write about it here...
VIRGO: You're presented with a choice. You can either feel right, or you can feel happy. There is something to learn either way. Observe the interesting difference between those two alternatives.
The question now is this. Why do those options have to be mutually exclusive? Can't I be happy without feeling wrong about it? And the alternative is just as worse. Why can't I feel right without feeling crappy at the same time? Understand that this is all relatable to my turbulent history with a certain someone. It just never ends. To be honest, I'm inclined to choose happy over right. But the kicker is that whenever I choose happy, I end up obsessing about the 'rightness' of my choice, which of course robs me of the little happiness I can squeeze from it. It's Catch 22. Woe is me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Dahil binabalik mo ang kumpiyansa ko sa aking sarili.
Dahil malapit na akong maniwalang makatarungan
ang batas ng Diyos.
Pinipigilan kong umasa
kahit sa pahiwatig ng iyong mga pangako.
Dahil makailang beses akong nabigo
At ayokong magkamali
Sa pagkilatis ng iyong pagkatao.
to be continued...
Monday, March 12, 2007
if you have memorized me
without distilling my essence.
you cannot plot me like a point.
I do not graph
well enough for my x's to meet your y's.
with the summary of my being.
I will not suffer the indignity of arrows
and bullet points.
But I promise
that if you learn me
from the senses of your heart
if you explore me with your conscience
and if you hold my lessons as your truth
excellence will witness our joy
in the cusps of paradise
we have stolen from God's hands.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Memorable rin yung divorce scene ni Anita (as the Emperor) and Sammi. Ini-explain ang tatlong klase ng paghihiwalay: (1) hate-you-so, kung saan malaki ang chances for reconciliation; (2) it's over, pwede pang maayos kung gugustuhin ng lalaki at babae; at (3) wala ng bawian, self-explanatory. Actually, mahilig ako sa mga "i'm-a-stupid-jerk-but-i've-cleaned-up-my-act" movies siguro dahil sobra akong sentimental o dahil bobo akong umintindi ng expiration date ng mga bagay-bagay.
Ewan. Siguro isa lang akong malaking escapist. *sigh*
Monday, March 5, 2007
I know of beauty not because I have brushes with it. I find beauty implicit in the evil that surrounds me. The universe is governed by the law of action having an equal and opposite reaction. Immersion to things vile and dark and ugly, gives me hope. I am subject, like all beings, to appreciate the fact that there is duality present in everything. Light versus dark, evil versus good, confusion versus clarity. For the tragically flawed to be in the same vicinity with ultimate beauty, might be an exercise in cruelty. Nevertheless, I do believe that we all need something to aspire to. For what are we, without our dreams? Life is difficult enough as it is. The positivist continues to exist in a bubble of hope, cushioning him from a reality far removed from its own being. Need I envelop myself in the same haze? Yes, for I have seen too much, I have known pain for what it is and pain for what it can continue to be. Do not curse me when I ask for rain, when I ask for miracles. You do not know pain by its first name like I do, every second of everyday. And what do you know of pain? The giver of pain doesn't acquaint himself with its recipient, nor does he care about the soul being ravaged by the passage of time. He sits comfortably, contemplating his own greatness against the happiness he takes, as he sees the world owing it to him. My need to be with people who understands pain will remain a mystery to you, for you steeled yourself against any form of vulnerability, which will cost your happiness someday. That very same day, I will be standing on the precipice of something wonderful, awaiting for my own piece of heaven. I thank God we are the polarities of the same being, because while you continue to stagnate being you, I will approach greatness by learning to be me. Wherefore the grace of my God, goeth I.