Sunday, November 30, 2008

Johari Window Notwithstanding

You Are 4: The Individualist

You are sensitive and intuitive, with others and yourself.

You are creative and dreamy... plus dramatic and unpredictable.

You're emotionally honest, real, and easily hurt.

Totally expressive, others always know exactly how you feel.

At Your Best: You are inspired, artistic, and introspective. You know what you're thinking, and you can communicate it well.

At Your Worst: You are melancholy, alienated, and withdrawn.

Your Fixation: Envy

Your Primary Fear: To have no identity

Your Primary Desire: To find yourself

Other Number 4's: Alanis Morisette, Johnny Depp, J.D. Salinger, Jim Morrison, and Anne Rice.

I knew and Johnny Depp are soulmates! *dies of happiness*

Saturday, November 29, 2008

This Wall Ain't Breaking

I don't understand why quitting is such a huge deal for some people. I think it's perfectly acceptable to give up, to let go, to just say "Screw it!" and storm the hell off. I do believe that even with a faith that can move mountains, there are just some things impervious to change.

A very good friend often tells me that love exists to be conquered. I don't know if it's just apathy or maybe it's the constant state of dejection that afflicts me. But I just have to disagree. I feel that on the whole, that setup is fundamentally unfair. True, there are things we need to work hard for so we'd appreciate them more. But for someone like me, plate full and all, I just don't have the strength nor the time to be dealing with all that sh*t. Am I the only one who feels like this? Maybe not, maybe so...

Monday, November 17, 2008

P.O. Box Kingdom of God

.way to heaven. by ~malta on deviantART

I feel like I'm slowly losing my identity. Maybe it's an occupational hazard, if you consider being part of a family as a full time job. And I don't want to think about resentment, anger, or any negative feeling that takes away from that state of blessedness. Given the life I have had so far - the opportunities, the privileges, I have no right (none, at all) to bemoan the current state of my affairs.

And yet I feel uneasy.

Because try as I might, every look toward the future seems bleak. And it's taking all that I have to just stay afloat. I'm convinced that inevitably, I'll be sucked into a vortex of helplessness.

I pray that God will not begrudge me this gamut of emotions. If only I can salvage the scraps from this excess. Then, I'll have something to build my life raft with...