Monday, November 19, 2007

Letters to the Dead


I hope you're in a great place now. I know you struggled long and hard. When it's my time to go, I just pray you'll have time to give me a ride in your big, fancy sidecar and we'll take trips around the block...for old times' sake. You have been an important part of my cherished childhood, and I'll never forget the many kindnesses you have shown me and my family. When I do remember to pray, know that I'll be thinking of you. I hope you're at peace. You will be missed.


I still can't believe you're gone. I know I haven't been a good friend to you. But I hope you know now that I have always admired you, envied you, actually. I just want to say I'm sorry, if ever I have done something to hurt or humiliate you. It was just my way of establishing myself--that even though I'm not (nor could I ever be) as pretty and as kind as you were, I was still worthy of attention. I hope you're in a much better place. I hope you're gracing everyone there with your beautiful presence and your beautiful heart. I know you'll remember me--if not with fondness--then with kindness. Thank you for being once a part of my life.


When I first learned about what happened to you, I was shaken to my very core. In my lifetime, I had known lots of nice guys. But you were by far (with the exception of my brother, of course) the nicest of them all. Despite the considerable age difference, you never treated me with condescension. You always had a smile ready for me. And that made me feel very special, which wasn't very easy for me at that time. I was a very awkward teenager, full of angst and self-loathing. I guess I just wanted to say thanks. I don't quite understand it, but I do think of you a lot especially when I'm feeling lonely and hopeless. Thank you for watching over me and I hope wherever you are right now, you're happy and at peace. Thanks again.

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