Auction (a.k.a Sold to the Wimpy Guy Wearing a Trucker Cap)

While in this lifetime, I'll never be anything other than a writer, I am convinced that I'll make a good auctioneer--who knows, maybe in the 25th century. Seriously, my experience in fleshing out a character ought to come in handy during those bids. Of course, with my personality I'm much more suited to the atmosphere of livestock auctions, rather than Sotheby's. Still, it makes for an interesting (not to mention rather unusual) career choice. And there's nothing more appealing to me than the "unusual." Heck, my whole life has been (and still is) a testament to the wonders of the "unusual."

And so, without further ado, please enjoy this clip.



AN: I disclaim. And yes, I can also sell things "to the man with the bigger breasts." Toodles!

Fuzzy Memories

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Me: I get it. Fan of self-flagellation, are you?
You: Get over yourself. I'm here because I see you're looking a bit dead behind the eyes.
Me: Sure, you are. I don't recall ever asking for a rescuer.
You: Suit yourself. I hate rabid fan girls anyway.
Me: Oh, I hope you're not talking about me, Mr. Pornographer.
You: You're calling me, Mr. Pornographer? That's rich.
Me: And true. Don't forget true.
You: Only if you admit that you're in denial.
Me: In denial about what?
You: Your everlasting love for my person.
Me: If by your person, you mean disgusting pig with the sensitivity of a dumb bell...
You: Just admit it.
Me: I'll admit to your stupidity. In fact, I'll vouch for it.
You: Fine. I'll give you this round. But only because I'm convinced you harbor such strong feelings for me.
Me: You are psychotic and you should get your head examined.
You: Wow. You really, REALLY like me.
Me: End of conversation.
You: Next time, there'll be tears.
Me: You wish, idiot.
You: Buh-bye now, fangirl. I'll look forward to our next battle.
Me: You're still an idiot.
You: We'll see.

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Worst Matches

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I think I will never be in a relationship with a mathematician. It's because I'm scared that I'll be exposed for the idiot that I really am. Here's the thing. Most of the time I really don't give a rat's ass about most of everything, but then again, I have enough pride for five people. So if I decide to argue my case, know that not only will I fight till I'm blue in the face, I'll fight until my opponent admits defeat.

Now, if I'm dating a mathematician, I don't want to ever be in the position where he'll be able to make his point using equations and formulas. God forbid that I'll be all "Oh no, you didn't!" (head movement a la Beyonce plus finger snap trademarked by proud sistahs)...and he'll be like, "Well, according to Riemann's hypothesis..." The outcome of that conversation will be absolute crap, at least from my point of view. He'll win hands down and I'll be left with an unstoppable nosebleed. Not the prettiest picture, I must say.

Magicians. Now, there's an interesting demographic. In the middle of a fight, I don't want a guy to be pulling rabbits out of my ass. And if he tries to pull any now-you-see-me-now-you-don't trick on me, I'll slap myself silly six ways till Sunday. Shame on me for picking such a weirdo. Note to self: One weirdo in a relationship is enough. Guess, I'll just have to look for magic someplace else.

Crushing on Myself

I don't want to use the term 'soulmate.' It's just too . . . what's the word? Oh yeah, icky icky poo (shoutout to the always fabulous perezhilton!!!) But then again, how can I describe Joel McHale in relation to my sarcastic yet weirdly lovable self?

Watch this video and worship the greatness that is Joel Mchale.

Manga Addiction

Thank goodness for scanlations. My manga habits are becoming worse by the second. Crunchyroll and onemanga--you both are more dear to me than personal hygiene and 0.55 percent of my soul. I love you more than growing dust bunnies in my hair. I love you more than my collection of toenail clippings. Seriously, if I can have crunchyroll and onemanga's baby, I'd sacrifice my vajayjayjayjay forty times over. I love you crunchyroll. I love you onemanga. Let's watch sunsets and sunrises from 18 different cliffs from now on. Kissy, kissy. Bang. Bang. Bang.

You kill me. And it feels so right...