Crapologist

It is a terrible, terrible thing when people cannot appreciate the fine art of shooting bull. After all, it is an undisputable fact that survival is directly influenced by the ability to fabricate facts and to fib your way through dangerous situations. Contrary to what fossil records suggest, the extinction of dinosaurs came about when Barney and associates lied to Jack Bauer about the location of the asteroid. Chuck Norris therefore, took it upon himself to roundhouse kick the entire planet causing what is now known as the Cambrian explosion. What came after is a series of events that historians failed to chronicle because Christopher Walken threatened the poor saps with eternal damnation, the stipulations of which involved feeding their firstborn to Oprah Wintour, Queen of the Multiverse and Ruler of the 5,789,975th corner of Hell.